Canalyse This! (and, its less successful sequel, Canalyse That)

Today has really been like two days. 'What!? Shut up Tom!' I hear you say! But no, I am not mad, nor am I enumerate! What I mean is that I didn't go to bed untill around noon, meaning that I had two separate 'day'-like entities today.

The first started yesterday, and continued, for wont of my better judgement into today as I decided that the best way to assure that I will be able to get to my early 9am lecture would be to stay up all night, and instead take it as a very late lecture. So I stayed up all night watching BBC4, (Charlie Brooker was on, as was a really fun documentary double bill about motorways, more on that later!). Of course, anyone who has ever tried to stay up all night will know that it is very stupid and boring, by far the most stupid-and-boring part of last night was when my housemate came home with a big, fat, stupid woman, and I'm not just defaming womankind, (or wymymkind, as retards with no knowledge of the English language may say), this woman was actually big, fat, and stupid. She started talking to me in retarded phrasebook Greek, FOR NO REASON!

It was at that point that I made a decision, instead of sitting around my stupid shitty ghey-ass cockfostering house, I would go on a long leisurely walk to Uni. Upon inspection of my A-Z, (again, more on that later!), I discovered that the canal that runs near my house actually makes a sharp right angle turn southward and skims right next to the Lancaster University campus, 'great!', thought I, nice, flat, duckful walking.

So yeah, blah blah blah, walked along a canal, got lost, found a few abandoned houses that could perhaps serve as squats, got lost again, and eventually got to Uni. Only to sit through the worst lecture imaginable! The guy's name is Mark, and he has the political awareness of a GCSE student, and he spends hours at a time rambling on about anti-Bush conspiracy theories and how the US Government "is controlled by Israeli money", *cou-anti-Semite-ugh!* And he just lies. He stands there and tells mistruths, like, today, he said that Bush's administration denies the existance of man-made climate change, which is total bullshit, as a large chunk of the 2007 State of the Union address covered the crisis of climate change - so either this man is completely fucking incompetent, in that, as a man whose job it is to lecture politics does not even have the slightest clue about the POTUS' recent sayings-on, OR, he deliberately lied, in an attempt to manipulate the opinions of this nations youth.

In either case, I'm sleeping through his lectures from now on.

Another canal story, I while back I walked down Manchester's infamous Canal Street at night. Weirdly enough, despite the fact that I am a card-carrying bisexual, (at least, I would be, if I hadn't dropped said card), the thought of men wanting to have sex with me quite terrifies me. As it so happens, so does the thought of women wanting to have sex with me... but that is a much more abstract fear, *failed attempt at self-depricating humour'd!*

Anyway, NOW FOR THE LATER BIT, I urge Cassy, if she's reading, to read this next bit extra hard.

Last night I was watching a documentary about the British motorway system. It revealed that there was a whole hidden world beneath the humble service station. While to us, sane people, it may appear to be the worst conceivable place - back in the day, it was considered to be the pôshest of pôssible plôces, *ahem*, places. Like, if you've ever been to a service station restaurant to find an unusually large concentration of folk who were young in the 50s, and naturally assumed that they were on a long journey and got hungry, YOU WOULD BE WRONG! It turns out, that mostly, the entire point of their journey was to go eat at a service station restaurant!!! Sigh... there are huge sections of this British nation's people who I suspect I will never be able to understand...

Anyway, another thing said documentary discussed was the role of hitch-hiking in 1970s motorway culture. And while I've always thought hitch-hiking was kinda cool, this doc' left me thinking that hitch-hiking was very cool! And so, I scurried around for my A-Z, (discovered the route of the Lancaster Canal), and found that the M6 runs remarkably close to where I live, and so, CASSY, when I come to visit you in Sheffield, I have decided that I will hitch-hike there!!!

So yeah, looks like I'm have to going to practice on holding the kind of conversation that will ingratiate me with truckers...