If the Razor-toothed Hawk-god of Evolution came up to me and asked, 'Hey Tom, what would you say is one of the biggest flaws with the human species?', I would give it a think and say, 'Hmm, probably our inability to recognise coincidences.'
Now, the ability to recognise patterns is a great thing, without it, there'd be no science and no technology - this ability is probably one of the best things on that list of things that 'separate us from the animals'. But this instinctual urge to spot patterns is often uncontrollable, even when something genuinely coincidental happens, the instinct to apply patterns stays strong.
Like, say some guy is praying to the heavens for some rain to water his crops. The next day, it rains, and his crops are watered. Several weeks later, his crops are thirsty again, he prays, and the rains come the next day. Then, another several weeks later, his crops are again thirsty, this time, he prays but no rains come the next day. However, instead of dismissing the pattern of prayer=rain, he adds to it, and concludes that his prayer wasn't answered due to some of the actions he performed on that last day - he concludes that his dinner of chilli con carne was hated by the gods, he concludes that the gods hate red shirts, 'cos he was wearing a red shirt while praying last time, etc. etc. He attempts to recreate exactly what was in common between the first two times he prayed, but again, no rains come. This becomes interpreted by the pattern-applier that he should wage a crusade against his red-wearing chilli-eating neighbours.
All the while, those first two rainfalls were coincidental. The man's actions did not influence them in the least.
I'd argue that much of what we believe, (not just what we believe religiously, but all sorts of things), comes from applying patterns to things that were ultimately just coincidental. It leads to us believing many illogical things, and, much worse, believing that our illogical beliefs are superior to the illogical beliefs of others.
We'd be much better off if we were able to instinctively know when something was probably coincidental, and when something was generally a result of an exterior pattern. Alas, the instinct is too strong.
IN OTHER NEWS!
I'm going to a cocktail party tonight. On the London Underground Circle Line. Schmoris Schmohnson has decided to ban alcohol consumption on the Tube, so some guys have had the idea to throw a formal cocktail party on the Circle Line before the ban comes in tomorrow. I've got myself all dressed up in a shirt, tie and waistcoat. Its very tight. I feel like I am corsetted.
IN OTHER NEWS!
Have you heard this thing about the guys near the site of the Heathrow extension alligning themselves up to make a giant "NO" visible for passing planes? About half of the people in those planes will look down and think, ''On'? Why does it say 'on'?'
Saturday 31 May 2008
Tuesday 27 May 2008
I should really start dressing more normal-styled...
Today I am wearing red and black-striped spandexxy jeans and a Rastafarian hat. I have very little idea why. The hat is old school, I bought it in France years ago, but the jeans are new. I bought them at the Camden Town market, 'wow,' I thought, those look really cool and attention-grabbing, so I bought them, and its only now, once I'm walking around in them, that I remember how rarely it is that I actually enjoy looking attention-grabby. And I could probably also tell you an identical story for almost every other piece of clothing I own. So perhaps the moral of this story is think before you shop? I don't know, feel free to learn that moral if you want, 'cos I almost certainly won't.
I also bought a pair of red Converse All Stars. Just 'cos I felt it was expected of me...
I was watching 'Election' last night, which wasn't lost/stolen by Reuben as I had believed it was, rather, it was at the bottom of a huge DVD pile somewhere in Solihull. So perhaps I owe Rooby McStealtheft an apology, then again, maybe I don't, seeing as he also has my copy of 'Withnail and I' - which his is no doubt mistreating! Probably sexually as well. The other day... he sent me one of the DVD's toes in the post, with a note made out of cut-out magazine letters saying that there were nine more where that came from if I tried anything funny like calling the police... He's a bad egg, that'n.
Anyway, where was I? Yes, 'Election'. Hillary Clinton is just like Reese Witherspoon's character. And that's why I don't like her. I've managed to put my finger on that intangible reason why Clinton rubs me the wrong way. Its because Alexander Payne brainwashed me.
Later on today, I'm going to go to the Iranian Embassy. I wonder whether it'll be nice... I wonder whether they will ask me to make a token offering of earth and water (oh yeah, '300' references, that's where I'm bringing this!).
Best of luck in all your endeavours,
Tom.
EDIT: The Iranian Embassy was nice. Everyone was very well-dressed.
I also bought a pair of red Converse All Stars. Just 'cos I felt it was expected of me...
I was watching 'Election' last night, which wasn't lost/stolen by Reuben as I had believed it was, rather, it was at the bottom of a huge DVD pile somewhere in Solihull. So perhaps I owe Rooby McStealtheft an apology, then again, maybe I don't, seeing as he also has my copy of 'Withnail and I' - which his is no doubt mistreating! Probably sexually as well. The other day... he sent me one of the DVD's toes in the post, with a note made out of cut-out magazine letters saying that there were nine more where that came from if I tried anything funny like calling the police... He's a bad egg, that'n.
Anyway, where was I? Yes, 'Election'. Hillary Clinton is just like Reese Witherspoon's character. And that's why I don't like her. I've managed to put my finger on that intangible reason why Clinton rubs me the wrong way. Its because Alexander Payne brainwashed me.
Later on today, I'm going to go to the Iranian Embassy. I wonder whether it'll be nice... I wonder whether they will ask me to make a token offering of earth and water (oh yeah, '300' references, that's where I'm bringing this!).
Best of luck in all your endeavours,
Tom.
EDIT: The Iranian Embassy was nice. Everyone was very well-dressed.
Wednesday 7 May 2008
It is warm.
It is warm. Like, man... so warm. I'm here wearing a shirt and earlier also a jacket and I was thinking all like, 'whoa... so warm, I wish there was some kind of breeze'.
Alas, its probably just going to get hotter from now on. I hate it when its hot, everyone walks around with nothing on and I end up feeling like a fat sack of crap, and then my hair gets all hot and I have to make the heart-breaking decision of whether to cut it. Sometimes I wish it would just stay cold, like, not the level of cold where being outside physically makes you cry with pain, but y'know, coolcold.
AND ANOTHER THING! How about this American election process, eh? It just keeps on going. Like, it just keeps on fucking going. Everytime it looks like its finally going to fucking stop it just keeps on fucking going. And like any event that involves more than one American talking for any length of time, eventually some pretty retarded things get said.
The latest retarding thing is Hillary Clinton and co. trying to label Barack Obama as an 'élitist'. Hillary Clinton, a woman descended from more than one of the people present at the signing of the Declaration of Independence, is trying to label Barack Obama, a man who has lived in countries with annual incomes smaller than cost of certain dinner parties Clinton has attended, Barack Obama, a child of a single mother who spent most of his time in the USA living off of food stamps.
Of course, in this context, 'élitist' doesn't mean what any dictionary-owning person would assume it would mean, in this context, 'élitist' means 'smart' - the most dreaded quality for an American politician. Hillary Clinton is basically appealing to anti-Intellectualism, over her campaign she's transitioned from being Ms. Know-It-All Washinton Bigshot, to 'an Average Joe', or rather, to what the contemptuous political élites, (I'm talking about real élites here), believe the Average Joe to be, ignorant and bigoted.
Anti-Intellectualism isn't just stupid and misinformed - its dangerous. When people casually and contemptuously disregard the opinions of people who have spent decades considering a particular issue, and instead chose to 'follow their hearts', then what you are basically seeing is the first throes of a dying civilisation. For instance, Hillary Clinton recently proposed that fuel taxes shouldn't apply during the summer holiday-period, economists everywhere said that that was populist and foolhardy, Clinton then responded that she didn't need to listen to economists - not even on *ahem* ECONOMIC issues!! And then you have parents who believe that they are more qualified to teach their kids science than scientists, to teach them about sex than sexperts, to fly them in aeroplanes than aeroplane pilots...
Okay, the last one is an exaggeration, but you get the idea. When people take offence to being told they are not experts, and instead believe that they are entitled to make important decisions based solely on the flimsiest of pretexts, then things are almost certainly going to go wrong. Now before I'm accused of anti-Americanism, I want to stress that anti-Intellectualism isn't purely an American disease, although it definitely is more pronounced on their side of the Atlantic, possibly because during the 16th-17th Centuries, Europeans fought in defence of reason and rationality against superstitious, irrational and arbitrary governments - whereas Americans fought in defence of superstition and irrationality against 'Enlightened' European governments.
Anti-Intellectualism is in our country too. When people commit themselves to eating organic food because they have no confidence in the ability of the scientists involved in the production of 'non-organic food' (he said oxymoronically) not to inadvertantly poison them, then they are showing contempt towards science, rationality and the whole basis of human civilisation. Does it not occur to these people that a chemical produced in a lab, and subjected to decades of evaluations and tests is less likely to be harmful to a human being than an ingredient plucked straight from nature, (nature, after all, doesn't exist in order to satisfy the nutritional demands of man - if anything, nature exists in order to kill man and assure that his nutrients are absorbed into the soil and gobbled up by those bastard plants).
But the worst thing about anti-Intellectualism is that it denies people oppurtunies. A society that values expertise inspires people to achieve, whereas a society that devalues expertise inspires people to keep their mouths and their minds shut in order to conform. In all societies, there are intellectual disparities, some people are smarter than others, if the smart excel then the less smart may feel inferior, and that's bad, but if the smart are compelled by their societies to dismiss expertise and conform with the anti-Intellectual consensus, then everybody loses out as new technologies, new medical cures and new modes of social organisation remain uninvented.
Alas, its probably just going to get hotter from now on. I hate it when its hot, everyone walks around with nothing on and I end up feeling like a fat sack of crap, and then my hair gets all hot and I have to make the heart-breaking decision of whether to cut it. Sometimes I wish it would just stay cold, like, not the level of cold where being outside physically makes you cry with pain, but y'know, coolcold.
AND ANOTHER THING! How about this American election process, eh? It just keeps on going. Like, it just keeps on fucking going. Everytime it looks like its finally going to fucking stop it just keeps on fucking going. And like any event that involves more than one American talking for any length of time, eventually some pretty retarded things get said.
The latest retarding thing is Hillary Clinton and co. trying to label Barack Obama as an 'élitist'. Hillary Clinton, a woman descended from more than one of the people present at the signing of the Declaration of Independence, is trying to label Barack Obama, a man who has lived in countries with annual incomes smaller than cost of certain dinner parties Clinton has attended, Barack Obama, a child of a single mother who spent most of his time in the USA living off of food stamps.
Of course, in this context, 'élitist' doesn't mean what any dictionary-owning person would assume it would mean, in this context, 'élitist' means 'smart' - the most dreaded quality for an American politician. Hillary Clinton is basically appealing to anti-Intellectualism, over her campaign she's transitioned from being Ms. Know-It-All Washinton Bigshot, to 'an Average Joe', or rather, to what the contemptuous political élites, (I'm talking about real élites here), believe the Average Joe to be, ignorant and bigoted.
Anti-Intellectualism isn't just stupid and misinformed - its dangerous. When people casually and contemptuously disregard the opinions of people who have spent decades considering a particular issue, and instead chose to 'follow their hearts', then what you are basically seeing is the first throes of a dying civilisation. For instance, Hillary Clinton recently proposed that fuel taxes shouldn't apply during the summer holiday-period, economists everywhere said that that was populist and foolhardy, Clinton then responded that she didn't need to listen to economists - not even on *ahem* ECONOMIC issues!! And then you have parents who believe that they are more qualified to teach their kids science than scientists, to teach them about sex than sexperts, to fly them in aeroplanes than aeroplane pilots...
Okay, the last one is an exaggeration, but you get the idea. When people take offence to being told they are not experts, and instead believe that they are entitled to make important decisions based solely on the flimsiest of pretexts, then things are almost certainly going to go wrong. Now before I'm accused of anti-Americanism, I want to stress that anti-Intellectualism isn't purely an American disease, although it definitely is more pronounced on their side of the Atlantic, possibly because during the 16th-17th Centuries, Europeans fought in defence of reason and rationality against superstitious, irrational and arbitrary governments - whereas Americans fought in defence of superstition and irrationality against 'Enlightened' European governments.
Anti-Intellectualism is in our country too. When people commit themselves to eating organic food because they have no confidence in the ability of the scientists involved in the production of 'non-organic food' (he said oxymoronically) not to inadvertantly poison them, then they are showing contempt towards science, rationality and the whole basis of human civilisation. Does it not occur to these people that a chemical produced in a lab, and subjected to decades of evaluations and tests is less likely to be harmful to a human being than an ingredient plucked straight from nature, (nature, after all, doesn't exist in order to satisfy the nutritional demands of man - if anything, nature exists in order to kill man and assure that his nutrients are absorbed into the soil and gobbled up by those bastard plants).
But the worst thing about anti-Intellectualism is that it denies people oppurtunies. A society that values expertise inspires people to achieve, whereas a society that devalues expertise inspires people to keep their mouths and their minds shut in order to conform. In all societies, there are intellectual disparities, some people are smarter than others, if the smart excel then the less smart may feel inferior, and that's bad, but if the smart are compelled by their societies to dismiss expertise and conform with the anti-Intellectual consensus, then everybody loses out as new technologies, new medical cures and new modes of social organisation remain uninvented.
Monday 5 May 2008
Hola Chiquitos Y Chiquitas
Hey. Happy Cinqo de Mayo, the day when Mexican zombies inarticulately attempt to convince us of the miracle of life!
So, you may notice something different about me? A certain je ne sais pas, something both intangible and un-finger-put-on-able. Well, I shall satiate your curiosities, I am cool now.
That's right, totally cool. I entered a caccoon of awkwardness (in the guise of a tattoo parlour), and emerged as a butterfly of awesomeness. So yeah, I now have a tattoo, and its really cool, its a band around the top of my arm, a band made of a dotted scissor line (y'know like, coupons on the back of cereal boxes, and they have the dotted line to tell you where to cut along... yeah, like that).
Getting tattooed was pretty fun, I got to lie down in a well air-conditioned room for like a whole hour. On the other hand, there are rapid and frequent needlings occuring as the tattoomotron has its way with you, but as pain goes, it is thoroughly bareable, (apparently, the place I got tattooed, (the underside of the arm), is one of the most painful places, and even that wasn't so bad, (apart from a few times when the needle hit a nerve and it felt like someone had sliced all the way down the side of my torso with a vinegar-tipped scalpel)). The worst part was sitting in the waiting room, because, like, without knowing what to expect you can work yourself into a state. I tried to distract myself by reading an interview in a magazine with Buck Angel, but that was only semi-successful.
So yeah, I have that now. And I'm really happy with it. (Yay).
In other news, I've now decided that I'm transferring universities. I'm going to leave Lancaster University and restart my second year somewhere else, my second year here has basically been a giant fail - I managed to just about force out a set of below-par essays for my first term, but the second term, I just couldn't bring myself to sit down and write them. I mean, I'm pretty lazy when it comes to academic work, (and you better take that confession while you can, because I very rarely admit that), but this year its been more than that, like, in Sixth Form, I managed to force myself to work by telling myself, 'Tom, you have to work or you'll be kicked out' - but in Lancaster, there is literally nothing I would rather have happen than to be kicked out. I truly hate this place sometimes.
But there are other times when I actually quite like it here, and these times made it difficult to commit to dropping out earlier, (I think I first considered doing so in the second term last year...). But I've really been pushed over the edge this term. Like, one thing, when I leave Lancaster there will be absolutely no-one I will keep in touch with - i.e. I'm wasting my time! If I stay here and drastically try to finish my degree I will just regret it, I'd look back in years to come and think 'what a fucking waste of three years of my life', and I already have quite enough regrets thank you very much.
So a-transferrin' I shall go. Maybe I'll also take a gap year? MAYBE I'LL DO EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING!!!
In local news: I locked myself out of my house the day before last. I popped out to the pub across the road and forgot to take my housekeys. I knocked to get back in, but my housemates weren't there, (they usually leave for days on end, which I generally approve of, because I hate those cunts and wish they were dead), but this time it meant I was homeless.
I tried to, (and got quite close to), breaking into my house. Basically, my row of houses back onto an alleyway thing, but the alleyway is like 7-8ft further down, so all the back gardens end in a wall thats about 4ft tall on the house-end, and 8ft tall on the alleyway end. I managed to get into my back garden by borrowing a trolley from the Spar, propping it on its end against the wall and then climbing it like a ladder. I managed to get into my back garden, but then the back door was locked. Grr!
I spent the night at an acquaintences house. He had some friends over and they were watching Matrix Revolutions, which is a film I always used to defend, but after recently watching it, now think is crap - it does, however, have Michael from Lost in it.
The next day, the housemates still didn't return, and I was starting to smell! Like, even worse than usual. So I had to call out a locksmith. He turned up at the house, slid a plastic thing through the door and it popped straight open. Then I had to give him £55. That put me in a pretty bad mood.
Luckily, I got to watch the new episode of Family Guy, the new, Star Wars themed episode of Family Guy. It was good. There was a bit at the end when Chris was telling Peter that Robot Chicken had already done a Star Wars episode, and then Peter went and completely slated Robot Chicken, it was fourth-wall-breakingly funny.
AND NOW ITS TODAY! I've spent most of today waiting for a bus. Fun times.
So, you may notice something different about me? A certain je ne sais pas, something both intangible and un-finger-put-on-able. Well, I shall satiate your curiosities, I am cool now.
That's right, totally cool. I entered a caccoon of awkwardness (in the guise of a tattoo parlour), and emerged as a butterfly of awesomeness. So yeah, I now have a tattoo, and its really cool, its a band around the top of my arm, a band made of a dotted scissor line (y'know like, coupons on the back of cereal boxes, and they have the dotted line to tell you where to cut along... yeah, like that).
Getting tattooed was pretty fun, I got to lie down in a well air-conditioned room for like a whole hour. On the other hand, there are rapid and frequent needlings occuring as the tattoomotron has its way with you, but as pain goes, it is thoroughly bareable, (apparently, the place I got tattooed, (the underside of the arm), is one of the most painful places, and even that wasn't so bad, (apart from a few times when the needle hit a nerve and it felt like someone had sliced all the way down the side of my torso with a vinegar-tipped scalpel)). The worst part was sitting in the waiting room, because, like, without knowing what to expect you can work yourself into a state. I tried to distract myself by reading an interview in a magazine with Buck Angel, but that was only semi-successful.
So yeah, I have that now. And I'm really happy with it. (Yay).
In other news, I've now decided that I'm transferring universities. I'm going to leave Lancaster University and restart my second year somewhere else, my second year here has basically been a giant fail - I managed to just about force out a set of below-par essays for my first term, but the second term, I just couldn't bring myself to sit down and write them. I mean, I'm pretty lazy when it comes to academic work, (and you better take that confession while you can, because I very rarely admit that), but this year its been more than that, like, in Sixth Form, I managed to force myself to work by telling myself, 'Tom, you have to work or you'll be kicked out' - but in Lancaster, there is literally nothing I would rather have happen than to be kicked out. I truly hate this place sometimes.
But there are other times when I actually quite like it here, and these times made it difficult to commit to dropping out earlier, (I think I first considered doing so in the second term last year...). But I've really been pushed over the edge this term. Like, one thing, when I leave Lancaster there will be absolutely no-one I will keep in touch with - i.e. I'm wasting my time! If I stay here and drastically try to finish my degree I will just regret it, I'd look back in years to come and think 'what a fucking waste of three years of my life', and I already have quite enough regrets thank you very much.
So a-transferrin' I shall go. Maybe I'll also take a gap year? MAYBE I'LL DO EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING!!!
In local news: I locked myself out of my house the day before last. I popped out to the pub across the road and forgot to take my housekeys. I knocked to get back in, but my housemates weren't there, (they usually leave for days on end, which I generally approve of, because I hate those cunts and wish they were dead), but this time it meant I was homeless.
I tried to, (and got quite close to), breaking into my house. Basically, my row of houses back onto an alleyway thing, but the alleyway is like 7-8ft further down, so all the back gardens end in a wall thats about 4ft tall on the house-end, and 8ft tall on the alleyway end. I managed to get into my back garden by borrowing a trolley from the Spar, propping it on its end against the wall and then climbing it like a ladder. I managed to get into my back garden, but then the back door was locked. Grr!
I spent the night at an acquaintences house. He had some friends over and they were watching Matrix Revolutions, which is a film I always used to defend, but after recently watching it, now think is crap - it does, however, have Michael from Lost in it.
The next day, the housemates still didn't return, and I was starting to smell! Like, even worse than usual. So I had to call out a locksmith. He turned up at the house, slid a plastic thing through the door and it popped straight open. Then I had to give him £55. That put me in a pretty bad mood.
Luckily, I got to watch the new episode of Family Guy, the new, Star Wars themed episode of Family Guy. It was good. There was a bit at the end when Chris was telling Peter that Robot Chicken had already done a Star Wars episode, and then Peter went and completely slated Robot Chicken, it was fourth-wall-breakingly funny.
AND NOW ITS TODAY! I've spent most of today waiting for a bus. Fun times.
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