Plans for the Future...

Recently, Alex Salmond, King of the Picts, declared to his rabblous hoarde that Scotland would be independent by 2017. He has said such things before, usually in the form of whimsical rhymes, i.e. "Free by '93" and "In heaven by 2007". I personally think he could have forced a rhyme out of this one... "Independeen by 2017" maybe? I don't know, maybe he could claim 'independeen' is Scots for 'independence', I'm sure some people would believe him. Sean Connery would probably believe him, the snivelling cunt...

Anyway, I digress. The point is, I think Salmond may have a point this time... Scotland may actually pull the plug on the Act of Union this time! And this is quite worrysome for me, because I quite like the Union, I think it works, and that the various nations of Britain compliment each other in a way that brings out the best in each other, and, more importantly, suppresses the worst in each other. For instance, most English people are twats, snivelly little NIMBYist morons who read the Daily Mail and view Gypsies and Pakistanis as the cause of all life's problems, without the Scots and the Welsh around to send a (disproportionately large) number of representatives to Parliament, the country would probably be a much worse place to live. Of course, this isn't to say that our Celtic Compatriots aren't also twats, but they are twats in a different way, in a way that, if I may be so bold, John Bull can help them with.

So yeah, I think I've come to a realisation. That if worse comes to worst, and the UK splits up, I think I would consider renouncing my citizenship. Because I have absolutely no interest in living in a state exclusively run by Englishmen... Seriously. It'd be like 1984-meets-Jane Austen.

However, I don't want to become stateless, statelessness isn't the way to go. If I were stateless, who would protect me from the Hobbesian State of Nature? HMM!? WHO!? Ahem, no, I'd need to apply for citizenship from somewhere else. France is one possibility. I've always considered myself as being somewhat Gallic, I mean, I don't speak French with any degree of competence, but that can be remedied. But I do think my fundamental vision of society and culture is much more in line with the French model than any kind of English model. I mean, I think corruption is broadly acceptable in almost all levels of government, I like food and shouting, I think the lack of a single English word translatable from 'viver' is bemoanable, etc. etc.

But I think I may be missing a trick here. I mean, what is it that I want to do with my life? Some among you may recall that I wish to be a diplomat. And what is it that a recently independent nation needs to do? Send diplomatic missions to all other independent nations! If Scotland becomes independent they will very quickly need to establish and staff embassies all over the world, and, an individual, conveniently placed, could well jump aboard that bandwagon for his own personal and professional gain! But then... do I have it in me to do that? Do jump ship and throw my lot in with a group that has just recently ripped apart my country for my own selfish purposes?

Yeah of course I do! Hmm... yeah, I'm liking this idea. Thomas O'Dare (I may aswell readopt the Irish, much-cooler version of my surname while I'm at it!), Ambassador of the Republic of Scotland... Bonnie.

Luckily, I should be able to convince any future Scottish Foreign Office of my viability as a representative of their state, for I know the answer to the Scottish Shibboleth! The key to convincing any Scot that you are one of them! If they ask, "do ye know Angus McCloud?" I shall reply, "yes". Not 'aye', that'll just give it away that you're trying to be more Scottish than you actually are.

Everyone knows that.